ON SEX

-
Chico Marx

I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.

Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit
with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S
relativity.

Dorothy Parker

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them.

George Burns

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when
the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Groucho Marx

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

Henry Miller

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are
unimportant.

What holds the world together, as I have learned from bitter experience,
is sexual intercourse.

Mae West

A hard man... is good to find

He who hesitates is last.

I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself.

I go for two kinds of men. The kind with muscles, and the kind without.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

It's not the men in my life that counts -- it's the life in my men.

So many men... so little time

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success... wrong by wrong

To err is human -- but it feels divine

Too much of a good thing... can be wonderful

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never
tried before.

When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better.

Rita Mae Brown

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there
praying for a man, and I'm giving them my share.

Rita Rudner

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for
a list of names.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a
schizophrenic.

They're trying to put warning labels on liquor saying, 'Caution, alcohol
can be dangerous to pregnant women.' That's ironic. If it weren't for
alcohol, most women wouldn't even be that way.

Rodney Dangerfield

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button
fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to
go to the bathroom.

Spike Milligan

Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working
order.

Victor Hugo

God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool.

Woody Allen

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.